I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life

I’m bust and largely unwanted and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life

Hi, Polly,

I want a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old girl, and that i don't have anything to indicate for it. My 20s and early 30s are a twisting crisscross of moves everywhere the West Coast, a pair of temporary stints abroad, multiple jobs in an exceedingly mediocre role with no real upward track. i used to be additionally the kid for monogamy. My most hopeful and most lasting relationship (three and a [*fr1] years, whoopee) concluded 2 years past. we tend to affected to a brand new city (my fourth new city), created a home along, then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched Maine to my fifth and current town and who-knows-what-number job.

For of these years of fast changes and rash selections, that I once rationalized as adventuresome, searching, Associate in Nursingd living an “original life,” i've got nothing to indicate for it. i've got no wealth, and I’m currently saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor selections, and lack of career drive that i could ne'er be ready to retire. i've got no career milestones and don’t take care of my line of labor all that a lot of anyway, however currently it’s my lifeline, as I solely have enough savings to shop for a bedroom for 2 nights. i've got no family near , no long-run relationship designed on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no kids. whereas I build friends simply, I’ve left most of my friends behind in every town I’ve affected from whereas they’ve continued  to grow deep roots: marriages, homeownership, career growth, community, families, children. i've got some shut girlfriends, that i'm grateful, however life keeps obtaining busier and our conversations are currently months apart. Most of my nights are spent alone with my cat (cue the cliche).

I accustomed take into account myself inventive — a decent author, poetic, passionate, curious. Now, when a few years of exacting however uninspiring jobs, multiple heartbreaks, move when move, monetary woes, I’m quite candidly exhausted. I will barely bear in mind to shop for dish soap as well as ponder humanity or be galvanized by Anaïs Nin’s diaries. Honestly, I realize artists offensive as a result of I’m jealous and don’t perceive however I landed this far from myself.